A New Beat
The handsome prince breaks through the door, revealing the
sleeping beauty, dressed in white, looking every bit as
lovely as one could ever imagine. Gently, he kneels beside
her, his hand brushing hers, his heart pounding. Their
lips touch, a magical kiss.. a kiss for eternity.. and
just like that, the beautiful girl sits bolt upright,
awake and facing this visitor in the night.
She looks at his handsome face, screams for her life and
grabs her handy bottle of Mace. Boom! He's down, clutching
his burning eyes as she rushes for the phone, making her
report to the proper authorities and, after they arrive
to haul off this intruder, settles back to sleep -- a girl's
gotta get her beauty rest.
Yes, here they are in action, the infamous Safety Police,
protectors of morality and purveyors of the happy peace.
Let's follow along.
... okay buddy, who do you think you are, breaking into
young women's homes, making uninvited sexual advances?
Yeah, I saw how "charming" she thought you were...
I'm writing you up for trespassing and improper conduct.
Don't you have anything better to do than ride around on
your horse and harass helpless women? You should be
ashamed. Don't you have a job? Now, get out of here
before I decide to take you in.
They all come out at night...
(Later that night)
We're responding to a report of a young woman currently
living with seven men. This has trouble written all
(An initial tangle leads to a discussion with the head
of the household)
First of all, I want that mailbox changed. I'm not
going to have you people referring to yourselves as
dwarves. Not on my watch. It makes John Q. Public
a little uncomfortable these days. And what's with
these names, Sleepy.. Grumpy.. Doc..? Ever hear of
John? Or Bob? Maybe George. And I'm not too crazy
about that song you guys sing when you go off to
work. What are you, some sort of union rebel-rousers?
Heigh-ho... what, is that a statement against Santa
Claus and his elves, the whole "ho ho" thing? I don't
get it, but I'm pretty sure I don't like it.
But, do you want to really know what I don't like?
Maybe it's that girl you have living with you. Let's
face it, 7 dudes, one girl. How do you think that
plays in Middletown, USA?
Now, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you
seven days (winking at camera) a little symbolic, don't
you think? And when I return, I want a new description
of you guys on the old mailbox there, something that
everyone can feel good about. I also want a better
attitude towards the workday. And I want you to lose
the skirt. Got it?
(Talking to camera)
It's a tough job, keeping the world safe from itself.
My beat is especially rough. The old ways of thinking
just don't fly anymore. Gotta cleanse those shadowy
tales. Sanitize. That's our job.
We just got a report in of a wicked Queen with an
unhealthy case of vanity. They found her in her castle
talking to the mirror. Makes you wonder what went
~ ~ ~
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